I speak with so many women – like, sooooooooo many women – who complain of a shortfall when it comes to their partners. Deficits can exist in any number of contexts (ie housework division, social planning, childcare, etc.), and whoa Nelly, do they ever occur in a sexual one.
Are all women just especially whiny? Are their partners really just a bunch of insensitive, entitled babies consumed only with themselves? For the most part, NO and NO. Inadequate communication and a lack of information are generally to blame. But is it a woman’s job to provide a tutorial when all she wants is for her partner to just automatically know what feels good to her?
Look, in an ideal world, partners would know EXACTLY what sends their S.O. into a steamy, orgasmic flight to the moon. But it’s likely they have little-to-no information regarding just how to do that. Factors such as toxic masculinity, unrealistic (aka most) porn or lack of comprehensive sex education that includes the concept of pleasure can be to blame. Let’s also remember that every individual has different needs and preferences.
It would be great if our partners could be mind readers. But they aren’t. So please do communicate your deepest desires. Sure, it might be awkward at first. And there are lots of ways to approach this so that you feel safe and heard. If you can screw up your courage, you’ll yield much better sex now and save yourself a great deal of trouble down the road.
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