Education, Health, and Safety

Are you a HOTWIFE?

Are you a hotwife? This is a commonly used definition in the swinging lifestyle and I thought I’d take a minute to write about it and uncover if I am indeed a HOTWIFE.

I wrote this article about hotwifing late 2019 and it was featured in the ASN Lifestyle Magazine January 2020 release. The funny thing about the lifestyle is that we have so many definitions of things and sometimes this can lead to confusion or even anger about what we are defined as by someone else or how we self identify.

Definitions and identities are used for a reason; to find like minded people & form a tribe. However, sometimes these ‘labels’ can be confused between the meaning AND the intent of the label. So I looked at HOTWIFE.

Do you
need to be HOT and a WIFE to be a HOTWIFE?

By Cate from Swinging
Downunder Podcast

Over the
years I’ve pondered if I was in fact a ‘Hotwife’?!

I’ve used the
term in podcasts, I’ve absolutely used it on twitter #GetMoreFollowers &
I’ve used it in dating profiles but was I really a hotwife?

Urban Dictionary… never one to stand in the way of a trendy word definition

Darrell and I have been together for almost 11 years, 5 of those spent monogamous and 9 of those spent as unmarried. I wasn’t a MILF as we are child-free, I wasn’t a hotwife as I wasn’t a wife… what the hell was I?

It’s at this point you might again be asking ‘why does this even matter’? As a person who enjoys being sex positive & helping others with their sexuality, I look to labels to shape answers. I took to twitter to do some crowd-sourcing

Tangent #1: I know what you’re thinking!
You asked a question on twitter and hoped people would reply in an intelligent,
classy, helpful & non-argumentative way. Yes, good friends, I did, and the
bulk of people were just that! So nahhhh to you!

Here’s a little
poll I did on twitter, this received 349 votes & many helpful responses
(not all featured here but if you want to check the full thread head over to twitter)

controversial post right! The responses were interesting, I didn’t anticipate
almost 30% suggesting that yes, definitively you must be both hot and a wife to
be a hotwife. I recall Darrell telling me I was going to be twitter-fied
(crucified by twitter know-it-alls and trolls) by suggesting that a woman
should have to be attractive. Obviously, that was never the intention, but you
don’t know which person you’ll offend today in 2019/2020 territory. 

Tangent #2: I was told the other day
that it’s now offensive to call a dancing pole a stripper’s pole as they are in
fact performers, dancers and should be recognised as such. Chill people, it’s
just a name for a shining metal pole.

Some people
took to identifying what was hot and others took to identifying what a wife was.
In the reply below, our friends from the UK said no to marriage but yes to a
long term ‘committed relationship’ 

Again, this
could be deemed subjective, some people consider a 6 month or 12-month
relationship one that is long term. The definition on the web is a little grey on
this topic however there were many references that suggest a long-term
relationship was more than 3 years.

Here’s another
two replies that felt the marriage portion was overrated and that being a
hotgirlfriend doesn’t have the same ring to it.

I would like to get #HotSoulMateButAlsoBFFGenderFluidPartner trending on

So really, if
you don’t have to be a wife, do you have to be hot?!

Welcome to the
subjective area of today’s post ladies and gentlemen, hold on tight because
this one could get bumpy.

What makes
someone hot?

Yes, there are
levels of subjectivity to being attractive, there is more than just physical
attractiveness and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. However, science has proven that there are many physical facial
characteristics that many of us classify as attractive.

Asymmetry, Facial Hair, Eye Colour, Hair, Hair Colour all play a part. Let’s
look at what some of our Twitter friends had to say on the matter of hot or

Tangent #3: I absolutely have a
preferred type of lady and man I like to play with, I can describe to you what
would make me turn my head at a Swingers Club and be interested to know more.
Like many people I’m also interested in you intellectually and that will 100%
sway my sexual interest.

So, what is
a hotwife?

An attractive lady in a long-term relationship who may engage with other people outside of her relationship with consent. The hotwife partner may be involved in her sexual dalliances in someway by joining a threesome or watching and is mostly aroused by their partners interactions and motivated by their happiness.

Am I one?

Who knows! Right now, I’m carrying some extra weight, so I am not feeling like a goddess of sexual prowess and therefore maybe right now I’m a #WinoHotWife

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Are you a hotwife?

Come and share your journey with us on our podcast! We’re currently doing a series of podcast segments on hotwifing and millennial swingers! We’d love to hear from you on email

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